Happy Fall!

After months of cocooning (the adoptive parent term for keeping things low key, maintaining a regular schedule and limiting contact to us and some close family, only) we have emerged a family full of activities.

The boys started 2 day a week preschool, and after a period of adjustment, the boys love it and look forward to it. They both have learned so much! Aidan is just a chatterbox and always wanting to learn things. Liam has come out of his shell and is the sweetest most loving child. They both seem so happy and they have both grown so much. Aidan is 30lbs and Liam is 26.5lbs—a far cry from the 19 and 16.5lbs when we met them in February. And they've both gotten taller.

Halloween was a favorite for Aidan--see him in the chicken costume! He just lit up when he had it on--flapping his arms, making chicken noises and calling himself "keechee" (his word for chicken). Since "keechee" is his favorite item from McDonald's, I wonder if he's made the connection yet! Liam was a cutie in his bumblebee costume. It was warm enough to walk house to house in our neighborhood to trick-or-treat. Aidan was wet with sweat but whenever we tried to take his "chicken head" off for some air he'd pull it right back on. And, if we suggested going home, he'd point to the next place and say "house!" Neither of them got the concept of taking one piece of candy from a bowl and stretched their little fingers out as wide as they could to maximize their return. Aidan couldn't quite say Happy Halloween and shortened it to Happy Happy! Liam would point at pumpkins and say "bobbee" excitedly.

After Happy Happy we switched gears to Happy Turkey and decorated the house with all kinds of turkeys. The boys enjoyed a week off of preschool for Thanksgiving and we celebrated with a full spread prepared by Gramma Gail. The boys' favorites were the turkey and the cranberry sauce which led them to have pink sticky faces that I thought would never come clean!

Now we're moving forward to Christmas--the boys' very first! "Merry Christmas" is a little too hard for Aidan at this point but we have him saying "Ho, Ho, Ho!" instead. We drive through the neighborhood after dark so they can see all the lights and decorations. We haven't formally introduced them to Santa since it may be a bit much to meet him this year--they are still very reserved with strangers and I imagine the big red suit and white beard may send them over the edge. I can't wait to see their faces on Christmas morning.

In the spirit of Thanksgiving, we know our boys are gifts from God and we are truly blessed.

Happy Holidays!

School Days!


Keechee!



Happy Happy!


Happy Turkey!

American Pie (cutie pies, that is)

We've now been home for almost 3 months and the boys are doing great.

Liam has gained weight and is progressing well on the growth charts--better in height than weight so the doc wants us to try to fatten him up. I'm guessing she doesn't realize how hard that will be since this boy really chows down! I think now that he is walking (and running) he just burns it right off. He is saying "hi", "bye", "mama" and "dada" with more regularity and he seems to really understand quite a bit. He is such a happy kiddo and rarely seems to have a bad day.

Aidan has gained 10lbs now but is still low on the growth charts for his age for both height and weight. He is very active and is picking up new words every day. He is quite a chatterer, regardless of whether he is understandable or not. At first afraid of the dogs, he now plays with (terrorizes) them relentlessly. He is happy most of the time but, consistent with the terrible twos, whines when he does not get his way.

We had family come visit from Houston to meet the boys over the Fourth of July weekend. We did crack open a bottle of pepper on honey Vodka we brought home from our trip and the adults toasted a hearty "Nasdorovya!" The boys had cupcakes with red icing and brownies. The kiddos loved the attention and the gifts of books, toys, chairs and other goodies. Thanks Aunt Kris, Uncle Tom and Corby!

Here are some recent photos including some blatant 4th of July patriotism.

First is the traditional "diaper" shot of the boys--can't have them enter their dating years without them. Note the mop of hair on Aidan's head, pre-haircut.



Here is Aidan with his new aerodynamic haircut. He did NOT like the hair cutting experience. I knew it was going to be bad news so when the stylist said "we usually start with the scissors but use the clippers if things don't go well" I said, "Start with the clippers." There was crying, begging and pleading and me restraining Aidan in my lap while the poor lady tried to work as fast as she could. Aidan holds no grudges though--as soon as it was over and he was down, he gave her his charming smile and "buh bye!" When we got home, we gave him a Victoria's Secret catalog and all was well--typical guy!



Yes, on the 4th of July we dressed the boys in Old Navy flag t-shirts and got little American flags for them to wave. They may not be able to wear the "born in the U.S.A." stuff, but darn it, they're proud Americans!

Home six weeks!

Hello again! I know, I know! We dropped off the face of the Earth. We returned home on April 26th and nothing has been the same since. After a week of jetlag recovery we began to settle into a routine--we are keeping to a structured daily schedule so the boys can learn to trust that we will take good care of them, keep them safe and be predictable. The boys have really adjusted well--they eat good, they sleep good and they are pretty well behaved. Aidan has gained over 6 lbs. and Liam has gained over 5 lbs. since we met them in the baby house. We started off slow with meeting people... we had only a few people at the airport when we arrived and we limited visitors, too. We take them on short outings to shop or walk and they seem to enjoy that a lot. We did finally give in and had an open house party for all of our friends and family to meet the boys... we had over 50 people there and the kiddos just loved it.

Here are some photos of them since our return. Our laptop is in the shop so when it comes back, we hope to post some of the things we had written about Kazakhstan (the myths) as well as some of the photos (funny local products) from our last days there.

Our agency evaluation

Terri here. When Steve and I set up this blog, we had many reasons to do so. First and foremost, we wanted to be able to keep in regular contact with family and friends. In addition, we wanted to give a day-by-day journal of the ups and downs, ins and outs of adoption in Kazakhstan—no editing, no censoring.

In keeping with one of the intended purposes of this blog, we wanted to also provide an honest evaluation of our agency, Adoption International Program. There are many good and bad stories about this agency but so many lack a name or a face—so here are our thoughts given to you without anonymity or censorship.

Pros
• We got two beautiful, healthy boys.
• We did not pay a cent more than what we were told we would. Not only were the agency and foreign fees right to the penny, their estimation of all other expenses such as homestudy, INS fees, visa fees, embassy appointment, etc, were dead on.
• We did not stay longer than had been estimated and planned. The agency estimates 42 days when making 2 trips and we stayed 41.
• Our drivers, translators and coordinators in both Almaty and Ust were just wonderful caring people. They were ready and willing to take us where we needed to be and went above and beyond—Jarkin refused to let us buy a stroller and loaned us his; Vika knew I admired a traditional glass pendant and bought one for me and four little ones for each of us.
• The U.S. staff is awesome with paperwork. They processed everything as soon as it was received. They helped shepherd the documents first through DC, and when there was a slowdown there, got it through NY quickly.
• They supplied us with everything we needed to start the process before the ink on the contract was dry—their dossier packet made collecting the necessary documents very easy and everything was provided in Word with detailed instructions. Their Embassy packet (which details what to expect while you wait for your LOI all the way through your return trip) was also very detailed and helped prepare us for each of the next steps and what to expect along the way.

Cons
• Our second trip was longer than was necessary. Even though the second trip was within the length we had planned for, our boys’ visas did not get processed as soon as they could have. I attribute this to the money problems noted later.
• When we expressed concerns we did not hear back from the agency for 4 days.
• When we tried to reach the main coordinator, Yuliya in Ust to get an update on the visas, she hung up on me right after I said “Hello, Yuliya?”
• Albina, the other coordinator, acted indifferent and lied frequently when we asked for information on our court date, and later, our boys’ visas. She barely gave us the time of day and made promises she never intended to keep. She asked us for $800 to process the boys visas that actually went to paying for the apartment of a newly arrived family—leaving no money for the visas.
• There is (and has been for months) a problem getting the money to filter down to the staff to pay their salaries, gas, apartment and most of all document processing. I believe this was key to the delay in paperwork and has deeper impact in demotivating and demoralizing the staff.

In our opinion, no agency is perfect—and we’ve heard our share of real horror stories from people using other agencies. One family we met on the plane had a horrible first trip with another agency. They were shown children that were ill and the wrong age range for days before finally shown their daughter (our boys were shown to us within 10 minutes of arriving at the baby house). And, during that trip, the family was almost thrown out of their apartment by their coordinator when their older daughter had violent stomach flu. We’ve also heard of families with other agencies getting false medical reports stating children as healthy who clearly had special needs (ours were correct, if not slightly exaggerated to the unhealthy side to justify their adoptability). Also, two families with two different agencies went to adopt two children, were told that there were two waiting only to arrive and only adopt one (one due to no matching child available and the other due to region specific mandates). In one case, the $10,000 fees for the second child were never returned to them. These are all recent horror stories of other agencies, too—our story is far from it, it truly was a success.

International adoption is a long and difficult process. Any feelings of trying to control things will go out the window as governments are constantly changing the rules and, of course, never grandfathering them.

We feel that there are some necessary improvements that AIP should make to be sure money is distributed on a timely basis and that some of the indifferent and incompetent staff be replaced. With that addressed, we would recommend AIP. Read our story, assess your own tolerance for adoption and decide for yourself. Overall, our experience was a good one and one we will never forget.

In the next few days, we will post some additional, helpful thoughts with a post on Mythbusting (is it inappropriate to wear jeans in Kaz? is there really no toilet paper?) and a cast of characters identifying the staff involved.

And of course, more photos of our beautiful boys!

Settling in, sorta

Steve here. Many of you have been inquiring as to our status since coming home. Go ahead, say it, you want to know if we are still alive. Well to be honest, it hasn’t been easy, and not just because we've got two new short people in our domicile. We decided to up the difficulty level when we got home just for fun.

Obviously, the travel was grueling on everyone involved. But Terri had to go and make sure she stood out above all of us. She developed a nasty case of bronchitis that still has her down and out. She sounds more like someone who has worked in a West Virginia coal mine all her life. On top of that, she has a pinched nerve in her neck from wrangling luggage and kids in the various airports. Additionally, two of our employees, Nicole and Brian got married on Saturday, so we basically had to come back home to get ready for a wedding. The ripple effect is that two of my most talented people are out of the office for the next two weeks. Seeing I have been out of the country for what has seemed like decades, it is hard to wade back in to the old job description. So with Terri sick and the fact that I had to return to work has made balancing everything a bit tricky. Grandma and Grandpa Golightly have stepped up and helped as much as possible.

But enough about our sob story, you want to know about the boys. They seem to have adjusted to the new time zone and are sleeping through the nights now. The first couple of days we were all up in the wee hours of the morning. They are eating well (Aidan, maybe a little too well, as he looks a little tubby now) and really enjoy a variety of foods. The other day I took them to experience Chick-fil-a. They definitely loved it—and why shouldn’t they? Liam can be a little bottomless pit too. They both have healthy appetites.

In the behavior department, Aidan has shown an increased whiney side and tends to be afraid of everything right now. The dogs licked him and you would have thought he was actually having his face eaten off. Don’t worry—his face is still there. He likes to throw the (more than) occasional tantrum and has learned about time outs—or the penalty box, as I like to call it. But he can be incredibly cute and loving the next minute. Remember, his caregivers told us he was used to being the boss—now he has to learn the new hierarchy of the Gaines family. Liam has been a very happy boy for the most part. He has been a bit more cranky the past couple of days and he is turning into a real daddy’s boy. He is not very happy about me leaving the room—don’t get me wrong, I feel honored, but sometimes you just gotta go. But he loves to play and still has his goofy smile and he drools a lot (like many of my friends after a couple of beers).

They love riding in the car—Aidan always motions like he has his hands on a steering wheel—something he picked up in Almaty. I was really surprised, as Aidan does not like being restrained (as we found out on the flights) but he handles the car seat just fine. They also seem to like their dual passenger stroller rides. And I must confess it is a pretty sweet ride and I probably would enjoy it myself if I could actually fit in it. We have been working with Aidan on a few words so he has expanded his vocabulary a bit: peez (please), coco (Coco, the cat), popper (Pepper, our dog), and tonight—pidza (pizza). So we are making a little headway in speech but you can tell he understands a lot of what we are saying. Actually getting him to listen to us is another matter.

So one week at home has been very challenging, mainly due to health and work. I am sure the monumental changes to our way of doing things have played into it as well. But we are hanging in there and it is a lot easier than when we were in Kaz—home field advantage really helps.

To all our friends from the trip; the Woods, the Keoghs, Steve and Candy from South Africa and anyone else we may have forgotten to mention we hope you are doing well and please stay in touch. As I celebrated a supposed milestone birthday in Kaz it gave me time to reflect on the things that are important in life, and being without family and friends really drove home their importance to me. So I hope all the new friends we met in Kaz will stay in touch.

Look for more posts as we return to a more (ab)normal life.

Time out for Aidan


Liam the bottomless pit


Aidan eating with Remy


Liam's goofy grin


Aidan and Pepper on the sofa

Home sweet home

Home at last! I would say that this is the end of the journey but it really is only the beginning isn’t it?

Before I get to the traveling, I must confess that any romanticism I had about the diplomatic corps before our embassy exit interview completely went out the door. Yes, I know, I fell into the Hollywood dream of a large columned building with the flag fluttering and Marine guards with such perfect posture that you would suspect some type of rod being firmly implanted in their posterior. And, of course, the ambassador would personally greet you and invite you to have barbeque or whatever tickled his fancy that day. But no, this was to be a day of disillusionment, a day when the diplomatic corps resembled—a bank. Yes, boys and girls, we went into a building that in no way looked like my vision of an embassy, but instead looked like any monolithic my-god-look-at-all-the-glass bank building you may have dealings with. It was especially surreal when every person we dealt with was behind glass and had that really bad speaker system, as if the person was talking to you from the inside of a whale, and there was also that one little slot that if you actually had to have any transactions with an embassy employee they could keep contact with you to a minimum. The only thing missing were the really cool pneumatic tubes that banks have. Don’t get me wrong, the interview was fine but I had to fight the urge to ask for crisp ten’s and twenty’s.

Our exit interview did slightly influence our travel arrangements. Our teller—uh, sorry, embassy employee, mentioned that us stopping in London would be a bad scene and we would not be let into the country to go to our hotel room. We all know what two small children could do to destabilize the UK. Our travel agent said that while it was possible he had never seen it happen, but Terri and I know that with our luck we would have been denied entry and have had to spend twenty plus hours in Heathrow. Our travel options were limited as the next same day itinerary to San Antonio was not available until Friday (not an option). So we decided to do most of the heavy lifting in the first day of travel and go all the way to Chicago on Tuesday, stay there overnight and then on to San Antonio the next day.

Our British Airlines flight left Almaty for our stop in Russia. Due to the seating configuration on the plane we had three seats together and one across the aisle. The flight was not very full on the trip to Russia, so an incredibly nice flight attendant, Lynn, gave us the row in front of us so we could stretch out. She also came around often to take care of us as well as dote on our boys. She also made sure we kept our seats when we got to Russia and took on passengers, moving some people to other rows to make it easier on us.

The trip itself was a mixed bag of good and bad behavior from the boys. Aidan had some serious whiney spells and Liam was cranky and fidgety as well, BUT, on a whole it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. Maybe it was having a flight attendant who seemed to wait on us every couple of minutes that seemed to help. We had learned that our Chicago flight had us on standby so we were convinced we were doomed to being screwed over. But when we got to the ticket counter luck would go our way. Again, we got a row of three seats with another seat across the aisle. This time the flight was full so there was really no way of getting a different seat configuration. I held Liam during takeoff and Aidan sat next to Terri. It was no time at all before Liam was asleep—a state in which he would stay for almost all of the flight. Aidan fought it for a while but soon fell asleep, too. So the second leg brought us some peace, although Terri stretched out along the edge of all three seats to become a human railing to keep the boys from rolling off the seat.

Upon landing in Chicago, we breezed through Customs and Immigration. In fact, I was a little disappointed at Immigration because I was sure they would chant in Latin, read the Gettysburg Address or make some other official proclamation about our boys’ new status. Instead, they just said, “Here ya go.”—and we were done for the evening. Our boys had their citizenship—and really, after eighteen hours, do you really want to hear the Gettysburg Address? The hardest part of our first leg was actually getting to our hotel room. Let’s just say that a phone number misprint and a really muffled public phone system led to numerous calls about a shuttle that did not actually arrive for a couple of hours. We were completely wiped out, but our jetlag made it hard to sleep. We were up early and off to the airport for the last little leg of our journey home.

The last little hop from Chicago to San Antonio was pretty easy, with both boys out cold. Terri’s parents met us at the airport and after some major fumbling around we used our car seats for the very first time. We finally got to show the boys their new home that they had only seen in a photo. They seem pretty happy with the environment and actually slept pretty good for two little guys who have had their world turned upside down. While I may have celebrated my fortieth birthday in Kaz, I actually feel closer to 140. The trip was worth it and I know eventually everyone will be back on more normal schedules. At least now, Terri and I feel we have home field advantage.

So you think it is over now, huh?

Well, just wait, there is more. Terri and I will, in the coming week, be offering bonus features, including: lots of photos from home, an evaluation of our agency experience, the cast of characters, and Kaz myth busting! And look for all new features in the future as the boys find out all their new lives have to offer.

Embassy interview

Hello! The embassy interview went okay and we have the paperwork necessary for the boys to enter the U.S. It was a short interview and the wait was not bad. It was not, however, uneventful as Liam threw up on himself twice and Aidan went from standing quietly to doing a backflip off a chair in a matter of seconds. Luckily, Steve was there to catch him and a concussion was avoided. If this is a hint of things to come for our long flight back I think I'll need to keep the flight attendant busy bringing Steve and I vodka tonics on a regular schedule. And, maybe some for the boys too (just kidding!).

Last night we had a lovely dinner with the Keoghs, an Irish family from Toronto. We met at the Bull and Bear Pub (of course) and had just the best time with Dave and Mary and their daughter Ashling. The food and beer were great, the boys behaved and it was like we had know the Keoghs for years. They are adopting a 1-year-old boy from Karakastek about 2 hours outside of Almaty (I don't envy their daily car trips). They showed us photos from their visits and Orin (his new Irish name) is precious and I know they are very proud to be adopting him. We took photos and hope to post them when we return to the states and have access to our computer at home.

We've already packed up quite a bit but are now worried about our stay in London. While I had researched in advance about the boys being able to enter the U.K. without visas--it looks like my information is incorrect or at least in conflict with what we were told today at the Embassy. Our agent there told us the boys would not be allowed to leave the airport. She gave us the phone number to the British Embassy and we called and the agent there said that because their adoption is not recognized, we could be stopped by passport control and not be allowed to exit the airport. Great (with sarcasm)! Can you imagine 22 hours sitting in London Heathrow with our little guys? We couldn't even make it 22 minutes at today's interview. Looks like I'll be making a call to the travel agent when the sun comes up in the states to see what we can do. We're hoping it will all work out and if nothing else, we can get a connecting flight and skip the overnight stay all together. We shall see. Stay tuned for the latest episode of Rock the Kaz blog...